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Is Your Man’s Money Beliefs Holding You Back From Success?
March 30th, 2010 by Kendall
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If you’re in a committed relationship then you’ve likely had an argument about money. Add in to the mix that you’re an entrepreneurial woman and arguments about money can magnify in both frequency and intensity.
Studies show that the number one topic couples fight about is money. I’m not surprised, since money is often a mirror for where we give up our power, in addition to mirroring our fear of not having enough. No wonder this is such an emotionally charged topic!
To top it off, if you’re growing you’re business then it’s critical that you invest in training courses, attending events, coaching programs and other activities that your spouse may see as frivolous, when in truth, these are the very activities that will help you leap out of struggle and into success.
So, what’s an ambitious gal to do when she loves her man, doesn’t want to compromise her business growth by holding back, yet doesn’t want to get into another argument over money?
Sit tight and buckle your seatbelt…I’m about to share three tips with you that will help you keep the peace AND give you permission to invest in your business so you can watch it grow.
Tip #1 Guys Love Logic So Use This To Your Advantage
When I was first growing my business, every decision I made — from which events to attend to whether I would hire my first assistant — was made on faith. Sure, my intuition said these were the right decisions to make but the truth was, I had no track record to prove they would pay off.
So how do you get your spouse to support you when all you have to say to back up your decision is, “Honey, I KNOW this is the right thing to do!”? Try this: since most guys love to know the facts, focus less on how strong your intuition is and more on how you’re going to implement what you’re about to learn from that event, coaching program, etc.
This is your opportunity to be specific. For example: if adding on just two next clients will more than pay for the opportunity you want to sign up for, write it down for your guy like this:
Course registration of $997 = Two new clients of just $397 each
per month for less than two months.
Now, doesn’t that seem totally do-able?
Tip #2 Stand In Your Power With Your Beliefs Rather Than Try To Change His
If your beloved is skeptical, fearful or focuses on what can go wrong regarding money, just let him be. What you need to do is focus on YOU. It’s not your job to “fix” him but what you CAN do is stand in your power with what you believe. Then, back up those positive beliefs with action. That means surrounding yourself with like-minded people, acknowledging your successes and focusing on implementing. Your man may never share your extreme positivity but he will admit that what you’re doing is working when he sees the results.
Tip #3 Ask For What You Want So Your Guy Can Provide
When it comes to money, men are mostly motivated to provide. Compare that to women, who crave security. Knowing this, I’ve found that simply by asking — directly and with authority — for your guy to support your financial decisions and to trust you, can work like a charm. He may still be doubtful but when you put your request to him directly, he’s likely to agree to it.
Building A Business Is A Lot Like Building A Relationship….
Both take commitment, compassion and most of all, courage. The greater your clarity, your sense of purpose and your implementation plan, the sooner your sweetie will relax, accept and even support your decisions. In the meantime, stand strong for what you believe in and keep the faith.
Posted in Money and Mindset • • Subscribe to this feed
Tags: entrepreneurs, money mindset, women entrepreneurs
These are great suggestions! I think that learning to deal with the guy’s doubts can actually make the woman a more powerful entrepreneur. Like your tip #1, using logic: going over the logic of an investment helps the man to understand, and helps the businesswoman get more clear about what she wants to happen in her business. Thanks for the insight!
Comment by Laura Mixon, PhD — March 30, 2010 @ 1:09 pm
Great insight! I’ve also found posting results in commonly viewed areas has been a game-changer for me. For example, I keep a huge calender in our gym/office area with my sales and accomplished goals.
When I’ve wanted to do “something” in the past, I met some resistance. But, now making something visual and something we can discuss together (the growth of my business) it makes him a part of the process and it seems to stimulate a different side of the brain.
Hmmm… a picture is worth a thousand words…
Comment by Nicole — March 30, 2010 @ 1:20 pm
Kendall,
Thanks for this great insight. I really believe that standing in your power, acting in integrity and sharing your goals and dreams with your husband or partner can really help when you need to discuss that big investment! After I made my Platinum investment, I was concerned (ummm…I mean freaked)about what my husband would think as he is a very frugal boot strap it kind of entreprenuer. I realized that I needed to act in integrity and shared with him in a loving way. My husband supported me 100% even if he didn’t agree with my strategy. Since my investment, he has seen the change in me and our bottom line and is sharing in my excitement!
Blessings,
Juliet
Comment by Juliet Oberding — March 30, 2010 @ 1:20 pm
Hi Kendall - loved this one! Sooooo helpful for so many of my clients who have vision, passion, talent, and need to bring their partners along with them.
I would add another tip too: people live up to expectations as much as they live down to them. I hold an expectation and intention for my husband that he will be gracious, accepting, encouraging in my business decisions and achievements. I can do this better (instead of worrying what is he going to say/think) when I remember that after all he wants the best for me - he wants me to succeed as much a I do - so now I treat him as a success partner rather than an obstacle.
Works beautifully for shopping trips too
Comment by Zoe Routh — March 30, 2010 @ 1:23 pm
Such a great article and completely timely in my life right now! Thank you. Number 3 is especially helpful when combined with the 2nd tip - standing in your power and asking for what you want: support, trust, and faith. Thank you!
Comment by Sandra — March 30, 2010 @ 1:26 pm
You are right, Kendall, asking a husband to provide is a wonderful way to include him in your business. This also works well when you need something that has a cord and plug. My husband is a CIO and loves to research and help me find quality technology. That makes him happy and I let him know I am so grateful for his support.
Comment by Martha Clouse — March 30, 2010 @ 1:30 pm
Loved the article, Kendall. It’s up to your usual standard of helpful, readable, and inspiring. The former English teacher in me objected to the first word in the title, but I’ve managed to get her to ignore it.
Comment by Jean Hudson — March 30, 2010 @ 1:39 pm
This blog post really grabbed my attention. I make some of my decisions based on my “gut” feeling. My husband needs facts, figures, etc. So I give him the data he needs, which actually helps me see the result of what I am about to do. Great article!
Comment by Wendy Taddeucci — March 30, 2010 @ 1:58 pm
Kendall, thanks for a great article. My husband is not entrepreneurial. He prefers the security of employment with benefits (part of the reason I can follow my passion). However, he is very supportive, but I still find myself hesitant to talk with him about the next big “investment” I’ve made in my business. Your tips are very helpful and I’ll definitely use them. Thanks again.
Comment by Nancy Milton — March 30, 2010 @ 2:09 pm
Thanks Kendall. That really helps.
Comment by CAROLE — March 30, 2010 @ 2:13 pm
I truly enjoyed your article Kendall…great tips and comments. From the man’s point of view I cannot stress enough the importance of open communication from the get go. It is much easier to get support from a spouse when the surprise factor is at a minimum. Always communicate where you are in your business, what challenges you are facing and how you need to invest(important word-invest not spend or buy) in yourself and your business to reach success. Remember we all buy or invest first on emotion, then we back it up with logic and facts so before you present the facts, explain the benefits for you, your business and your husband or partner. Lastly, definitely stand in your power! If you believe in what you are doing then you need to stand for it. Regardless if there is a difference of opinion or not you will be respected for your power. Conflicts should be resolved and not avoided. Avoiding conflicts eventually leads to resentment. - Laurie and I look forward to seeing you and Richard in October.
Comment by Slawek Polinski — March 30, 2010 @ 2:37 pm
Are you reading my mind? This is something I have really been struggling with… how to move forward with my business and cleaning up my own money issues when my partner is stuck in a completely different paradigm. I keep asking, am I strong enough to move us both forward? I think the part about standing in my own beliefs and taking care of myself is key. Thanks Kendall.
Comment by Amanda — March 30, 2010 @ 3:05 pm
Thank you Kendall, Creating freedom from communication, and working on communicating in a language he can understand. I bet it’ll be much easier for him to support me if he sees the vested interest he has in the outcome. That might be point #4… benefits not only to my business, but to him and our family as a whole.
Looking forward to future insightful articles.
Comment by Kathy — March 30, 2010 @ 3:14 pm
Hi Kendall,
Tip #2 really resonated with me as I stumbled onto this in the past few months. After 39 years of marriage and countless arguments, stressed-out nights, etc. I realized that my job is to manage me and my responsibility to our cash flow, and to communication that I am doing that successfully. That is my 50%. My husband’s job is to manage himself and his conversations around money and to manage our retirement accounts for growth, even if very modest but with no loss of principal and to communicate he is doing that successfully. That is his 50%. Some how this combo has been adding up to more that 100% and we are both thriving.
Comment by Alice Smith, MS, MBA — March 30, 2010 @ 3:27 pm
This article rocks (just like all ‘of em!) Thank you, thank you, thank you! Just in time for my Virtual Abundance Workshop on the 8th how money and marriage are intertwined
Love and light,
Lourdes Elardo-Gant, Magical Manifesting Mentor & International Law of Attraction Coach
Sparkle Magic & Wisdom In Relationships
Comment by Lourdes Elardo-Gant — March 30, 2010 @ 3:47 pm
I’m with Slawek (#11) on this one. In my work as a consultant I know the “beg for forgiveness later” mantra only exacerbates a culture of non-trust. With a loving partnership, clarity and trust from the onset is a thousand times better than trying to “make it right” after the fact. If you know the business investment is right - make it. But share the intention with your partner with the same conviction you would bring to client pondering an investment in YOUR service.
Comment by Jackie Riley, M.Ed — March 30, 2010 @ 3:58 pm
Thank you so much! This is such a great article! You hit it right on the money!
Comment by Linda — March 30, 2010 @ 4:49 pm
Dear Kendall,relaxing here in Tucson, Az on our annual vacation to ’somewhere warm’, my fabulous husband and I listened to your recorded message. Having just invested again in myself for another workshop and event, we both smiled as you outlined your three options for approaching your spouse with regards to mo.ney issues. Perhaps more of a smirk since we live our life focusing on encouraging, supporting and empowering one another to envision and create!
Your words, as always, inspire and ignite a sense of passion for authenticity and intention.
I so appreciate you Kendall,
Katie Cavanaugh
Clear Path Success Coaching, LLC
Comment by Katie Cavanaugh — March 30, 2010 @ 4:50 pm
Hi Kendall,
What I love most about your article is it’s about working with him, not emasculating him. My husband joined my biz, and while it hasn’t always been easy, it’s been worth it. He brings strengths I simply don’t have, and together we’ve been able to grown the biz more than me simply doing it on my own.
Thanks again Kendall!
Michele PW
Comment by Michele PW — March 30, 2010 @ 5:20 pm
Hey Kendall,
My man is a bottom line sort of guy and opening up to him to let him know my struggles, my hopes and my dreams has been a challenge. He isn’t so sure that I am getting all that I can from this investment as he sees the hours I am working and the small return.
Defending my position and my conviction that your theories will indeed create a Money Goddess out of this aspirant is empowering as it is pushing me to find the courage to pursue my dreams.
So far, the results I was hoping for aren’t here yet but I am still hanging in there. Like I said, my man is a bottom line kind of guy and when my bottom line rises to the heights I am shooting for, I know he will appreciate the promises.
I know he is honored by my trust in opening up to him and sharing not only my dreams but my fears too.
Catherine
Comment by Catherine Behan — March 30, 2010 @ 11:04 pm
These a good tips, especially the one about logic.
My bigger problem with my husband is that he does not understand why my money goals are so high. He thinks that I am being greedy and want to jump into a high society, snobby pecking order sort of world.
He fears that if I am too successful I will not value my home, him, and our children as much. I explain to him that money is not about money, it is about a better life, a way to not worry about monthly bills, home repairs, or our children’s education. He tries to understand but I can tell we are on two very different levels in our concept of money. What to do?
Comment by Annette — March 31, 2010 @ 10:32 am
My husband was frustrated until I stopped asking for his paycheck each week. One day he came to me waving 3 paychecks and asked why I hadn’t asked him. I showed him what I had accomplished and he was thrilled. That was several years ago. Since then he has joined me in my business.
Comment by Dr. Bush — March 31, 2010 @ 1:54 pm
Fantastic post! Both my husband and I read it together and it instigated a great topic for discussion with both of us acknowledging both sides of the coin. End result - we both realised we respect each other and bounce off each other in that regard quite comfortably and have always done so. Thanks.
Comment by Bernadette — March 31, 2010 @ 3:51 pm
Great article!
You have nicely explained the art of keeping the marriage and doing the business in a harmonious manner. Yes, money seems to be one of the major reasons for strained relationship.
Comment by Lalitha — April 5, 2010 @ 8:31 pm
It’s so funny that I got this article today of all days. My boyfriend and I just had a discussion earlier today about me attending your (Kendall’s) seminar in Tuscan, AZ in October. His comment was, “can you really afford that?” I responded, “I don’t think I can afford NOT to go.” And I dropped it. I know that I will be bringing it back up sometime soon and I will be using the tips in this article to help! Thank you so much for your fabulous timing!
Comment by Kari — June 2, 2010 @ 5:11 pm