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Are you pushing money away with these behaviors?
March 16th, 2010 by Kendall
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At the heart of a woman’s soul isn’t the goal to create riches, but the desire to help others. But just because a woman’s primary motivation isn’t money doesn’t mean she can ignore it and expect to thrive.
Unfortunately, most women are never taught or mentored how to enjoy a positive, healthy relationship with mo.ney that honors their desire to do good AND do well. So, instead of treating mo.ney with respect and appreciation, they push it away from them in many small ways, every day.
Luckily, all it takes is a few simple tweaks in your daily behavior to quickly allow greater wealth to flow into your life with grace and ease.
Be honest: Are YOU guilty of pushing mo.ney away from you? Here are three quick tips to make sure you’re sending the right message, aligning your energy with the right actions, and making the most of the opportunities that are right in front of you.
Tip #1 Don’t Be Afraid To Shine Your Light In Front Of Others
Many women play small, hold back or in some way diminish their abilities and accomplishments, in fear that they’ll offend others or in some way “make them feel bad.” Before you brush this off, saying, “That’s not me” think carefully. If you were to suddenly double your income, who would you be concerned about upsetting in some way? Often it’s a close friend, family member or can even be your spouse.
Listen closely here: diminishing your light not only disempowers you, it disempowers the people around you. And, it denies the gifts and talents graced upon you by the Divine.
Once you start shining your light brighter you’re likely to make more, so turn up the wattage and watch your bank account grow!
Tip #2 Stop Believing That Sacrifice Serves Others
Every week I receive emails from women telling me how much they love to help people who don’t have any money. That’s nice, except that, then, THEY don’t have any money either. Hear me loud and clear on this: you can be poor and serve a few or you can be rich and serve many. Which do you choose?
You see, the truth is, the greater your success the more people you can help. So, by focusing on helping people who can’t pay you, you are throwing away your opportunity to become successful and help many others. My advice is to focus on a profitable niche that will pay you handsomely. Then, as you have your money house in order you can comfortably afford to give back in many different ways. This way, everyone benefits, including you.
Tip #3 Vow To Eliminate Any Money Drama In Your Life
There was a time when I repeatedly attracted people into my life who created a lot of money drama…but no more! Once I realized how much time and energy went into helping “fix” their situations, I took a stand and excluded them from my life.
Money drama shows up in many ways: from running your bank balance down to nothing (Fear of bouncing checks? Drama.) to never knowing exactly how much you have in your bank account (Ignorance is not bliss, it’s a symptom of drama) to never having enough money, no matter how much you make (Creating up and down money cycles and anxious nights, which is, you guessed it, more drama.)
Okay, you get the point, which is to first recognize where you’re allowing money drama into your life, then taking action to eliminate it.
Instead Of Pushing Money Away, Embrace It For This Reason…
Money is a symbol of your sense of value and self-worth, and a measurement of how much good you’re doing in the world. So ladies, instead of pushing it away from you, instead try to embrace it. Doing so will mean you are shining your light, empowering and serving others, and authentically living your Soul’s Divine Purpose.
Posted in Money and Mindset • • Subscribe to this feed
Tags: money mindset, women entrepreneurs
I love the language about pushing money away and creating money drama. As someone who can relate to this closely, it is hard to know what it the correlary feels like. What are examples of embracing money? How do I know what that is like?
Comment by Judith — March 16, 2010 @ 8:35 pm
Hi Kendall,
I think it’s so true that women are never taught to have a relationship with money and I’ll even take it one step further and say if they are taught anything it’s to be ashamed. How many times have we heard “I just want to make a bunch of money so I can give it away?” There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make a lot of money and NOT wanting to give it all away! How does that value money by telling it we only want it in our lives to push it away?
Thanks for such a great article.
Comment by Michele PW — March 16, 2010 @ 8:37 pm
Thanks Kendall a good reminder of how important it is to nail a healthy attitude to money! I particularly like tip 2 as it allows people motivated by serving others to find a way to do so even more effectively - and gain in the process.
And I love that money is a symbol of “how much good you are doing in the world” - I’d not thought of it like that before.
I’m doing a podcast series on money at the moment (Your Money Or Your Life) and what you’ve said here is exactly the sort of message I’m trying to get out. Thank you again.
Comment by Sarah Cooper — March 16, 2010 @ 8:42 pm
Women & Money by Suze Orman addresses these very real issues as well. Sometimes even when you know better it’s still hard.
Comment by Kim Taylor — March 16, 2010 @ 9:01 pm
Judith,
A few possibilities for embracing money could be becoming more aware of all the abundance in your life, creating a gratitude journal, and thanking money for coming into your life. Whenever you think of an idea how to do this for yourself write it down. Celebrate the money you earn or are given as gifts by having goals on where you want that money to go- investments,fun,etc. Don’t waste money but take care of it and treat it well and know your numbers both in business and personally.
#2 is very helpful Kendall. I do want to help others but agree with Michele PW’s comment above. I want to earn lots of money both to help others and to have a lifestyle of time and financial freedom that suits me to a tee. I used to be a money drama queen, but no more. I’ve been doing lots better recently after learning many lessons the hard way.
There are many free things in life that are wonderful. However, there are some things that only money can buy unless you are given them or trade for them- travel to wonderful new places, adventures, better health care, ongoing education, and comfy furniture to name just a few. I agree that the more $ you bring in, the more you can help yourself,your family, and the rest of the world.
Comment by Beth — March 16, 2010 @ 9:23 pm
Kendall–
Once again you have your finger right on the pulse of so many of us women entrepreneurs/small business owners. I appreciate your “calling it like you see it” no-nonsense way. Money is a mirror…reflecting how we value ourselves. Blessings to you, Connie Barrow, Fertile Possibilities
Comment by Connie Barrow — March 16, 2010 @ 10:42 pm
Hi Kendall,
I just loved these tips. I certainly had a light bulb moment and am very guilty of not knowing exactly how much money I have in my bank account.
I am now going to check my balance daily to better keep a track of where my finances are on a day to day basis.
Comment by Noelene Dwyer-Leishman — March 16, 2010 @ 11:04 pm
Dear Kendall,
Tuesday’s teleseminar and these tips are so helpful. Could you please clarify what you mean by “shining your light in front of others?” Thanks.
Looking forward to joining you on Thursday for session #2.
Comment by Alice Smith — March 17, 2010 @ 1:50 am
Kendall - your insightful comments will ring bells in every woman’s heart! I do however, make it my number one intention when working with clients that they realise - money is the number one excuse people everywhere offer as the reason they don’t pursue their dreams and the life they truly want to live. On the roller-coaster of life to realise that the money we have or the things we have do not totally define who we truly are - can sometimes be the ONLY remaining reason for many a woman picking herself up from the floor and re-starting her evolutionary progress forwards. Huge thanks for all the insights - K
Comment by Kaye — March 17, 2010 @ 5:25 am
I too am curious about what you mean by letting your light shine. In the past I have stepped out in situations and other women were upset because they thought I was ‘too pushy or too opinionated when in truth I was just really excited about whatever it was that was going on. The men didn’t seem to be bothered by my actions. Is there something I’m not getting?
Comment by Cygnet Brown — March 17, 2010 @ 6:35 am
Hey Kendall,
Liked your straw hat in the newsletter. Got a bunch of hats myself. Keeps the skin dewy!
#2 made me chuckle! So true. Here’s the flip side of that. People who contact business owners saying they have an itty bitty budget knowing that the business owners does great work. To me, that’s also hiding out from one’s light. Why not make your budget bigger? They’re all arbitrary.
Folks hold themselves back and then ask others to join in!
No thanks. My goal is to help you free yourself.
Great post Kendall. Giulietta, fellow hat enthusiast
Comment by Giulietta the Muse — March 17, 2010 @ 7:06 am
Kendall — Love the model you are creating for spirited women around money! Sometimes I think we women throw ourselves so into being excellent we don’t allow time to stop and evaluate whether what we are doing is in the best interest of those we love, and ourselves! I am always so inspired by you! Thanks!
Maggie
Comment by Maggie Anderson Words That Work — March 17, 2010 @ 7:43 am
Kendall,
Great topic that so needs to come “out of the closet!” Enjoying your four week teleclass -amazing!
Ann Ronan
Authentic Life Institute
Comment by Ann — March 17, 2010 @ 10:16 am
Hi Kendall,
Love your newsletter this week and that you will be offering more of your wonderful courses!
Loved your article, too!
Sharon Quarmby
Lead Generation & Sales Expert
Certified Money, Marketing & Soul Coach
Comment by Sharon Quarmby — March 17, 2010 @ 10:51 am
Hi All, seems several of you want more clarification about “shining your light.” What I mean is, be willing to UP play (not down play) what you are excited about, what you are working on, how you are surging ahead. This won’t sound like bragging if you always link it to the WHY you’re doing what you’re doing.
If other women get upset and try to tell you “who do you think you are” understand that this is THEIR *stuff* (ahem…) talking. Don’t take it personally. Your being happy, excited and prosperous WILL push people’s buttons but that is no reason to down plan your accomplishments or energy.
Quick example: Have you seen the way I dress when I’m at events? It’s more than a little attention getting. But it’s totally authentic for me and my style. Yes, I have some beautiful, custom made clothing (lots of lace and velvet, and of course, cowgirl boots).
Another quick example: I used to be embarrassed to talk about staying at high end hotels, like the Ritz and the Four Seasons. I didn’t want to seem “better than anyone else.” But that’s hiding my light. I LOVE high end hotels and staying in them has amped up my sense of what’s possible when you have more money. I tip hotel staff extremely generously, I’m very nice to wait on (hey, former waitress, so I know what it’s like) and I often send hotel managers a thank you note. Now, in conversation with people, I don’t hesitate to mention a trip we went on and where we stayed.
Point is: whenever and wherever you feel you are dampening your accomplishments, experiences or successes, you need to stop it. It doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t serve others.
Love and blessings,
Kendall
Comment by Kendall SummerHawk — March 17, 2010 @ 11:00 am
Hi Kendall
Thank you for all your advice on attracting money, I am putting your mindsets and advice into practice everyday. One thing you mentioned in your teaching is that “if you are not making enough money, you are not helping enough people”. This made me really look at my business and what I was offering my clients and whether it was really what they wanted. Thank you for that AHA moment, it has made all the difference. I look forward to learning more and more from you.
Thanks again
Veronica
Comment by Veronica Clare Ridderhof — March 17, 2010 @ 11:39 am
I love what you said about money drama and standing quietly in your own value. Your Secret Energy of Money is an amazing class.
Thanks!
Rosey Dow
Comment by Rosey Dow — March 17, 2010 @ 1:16 pm
Thanks, as always, for the great tips Kendall.
I can say that I’ve had the ‘lesson’ of each of these tips. Currently, I’m in the ’shine my light’ stage. I’m getting better and, as I do step forward, it’s amazing how opportunities present themselves. Sometimes, I take a step with the conscious purpose of nothing other than to observe how fast the universe supplies. Admittedly, I’ve been ‘playing’ with that instead of taking it to the next level. That’s where I’m aiming now — the next level.
Sue Crutcher
Comment by Susan — March 17, 2010 @ 1:25 pm
Kendall,
I’m incredibly grateful for your specific examples of ways we can push money away. Until you guided my awareness to some “culprits” in my behavioral repertoire…like constricting the Light so others would feel comfortable…I hadn’t “busted” myself. Now, I’ve resolved to get out a flashlight and magnifying glass and go back into my inner closet and have another look around
Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude! Kit Furey
Comment by Kit Furey — March 17, 2010 @ 1:30 pm
Thanks, Kendall! Extremely helpful, as always. Since I have the Love Money Mirror, I’ve been practicing seeing all exchanges of money as a way of showing and/or receiving appreciation. It also helps me remember to speak my appreciation out loud more than I used to. I have been blessed with adequate money my whole life, and I never even realized or appreciated it. In fact, I used to say that money doesn’t matter much to me. Hah!! Of course it does!
Especially life-changing for me is the insight that making more = helping more people. Coming from a fee-for-service (or, dollars for hours) mindset, this is HUGE! Of course, I want to reach large numbers of people. That’s what I’m here for.
thank you, thank you!
Julie
Comment by Julie Gabrielli — March 17, 2010 @ 1:31 pm
This course is a wonderful opportunity for us. I am also motivated to model money-attraction for my 2 daughters. One thing that really resonated with me, is the “wanting to be taken care of.” I love that feeling and I think that for many years I let my craving for that “being taken care of” weaken me, instead of strengthen me. I look forward to hearing how we can be authentically taken care of and shine brightly, or UPplay our passions and our accomplishments.
Comment by Laura — March 17, 2010 @ 1:42 pm
Tip#1 Just hit me like a ton of bricks. You are doing women a GREAT service but telling the truth Kendall. Keep these reality checks coming…
Comment by Angel McClinton — March 17, 2010 @ 2:18 pm
Kendall - you’ve nailed it! But, of course, that’s your area of expertise.
It really does begin with the way we ‘think’ about money - and our core beliefs, which all goes back to the way we were raised, etc.
You are doing great work, Kendall! Keep it coming…..
Pat
Comment by Pat Mussieux — March 17, 2010 @ 3:00 pm
Thank you for being such a positive role model for me and those I teach. You are right on about women’s money issues. This is our day to rise and shine.
Renae
Comment by Renae — March 17, 2010 @ 3:24 pm
Hi Kendall,
Before taking off on a flight you are informed that in the event of an emergency place the oxygen mask on yourself first then you will be able to help others. This is so true of life and not allowing ourselves to be filled with abundance so we can then help others.
Comment by Sara Canuso — March 17, 2010 @ 4:38 pm
Remember Jeff Bridges as Gordon Gecko in the movie “Wall Street” insisting, “Greed is good!” (Courtesy of scriptwriter Oliver Stone)? Where do we draw the line between loving money and greed? Webster’s says greed is the excessive desire for money. Is greed the idea of loving money for its own sake, not for what it enables us to do? Webster doesn’t say that. Or of having more money than anyone else because it fills an ego/emotional need? Is that what ‘excessive desire’ means? At what point does loving money become greed? If we adopt the idea that “Money is like manure, it doesn’t do any good unless you spread it around!”… is that what makes the difference between having a healthy attitude toward money and being greedy which in our society is not okay? I think you said, Kendall, on the phone yesterday that money has no meaning until you give it one. So should we then say that loving money is not greed if you spread it around? I wish questions like these didn’t keep me up at night, but they do.
Comment by Marion Claire — March 17, 2010 @ 5:10 pm
Hi Kendall,
Your tips are amazing and by implementing just some of these, and those you’re sharing in the teleclass I know will make a huge difference in women’s lives.
Thank you
Comment by Danette — March 17, 2010 @ 5:46 pm
I’m reposting this on FB Kendall and Tweeting. Not only did it resonate with me, but I would be a wealthy women if I had a dollar for every time I have heard these money pushing away sentiments from my peeps. Thanks for this one!
Comment by Stacy — March 17, 2010 @ 6:39 pm
Hi Kendall,
Thanks for helping to raise money consciousness for me and other entrepreneural women. My challenge feels more like this: I feel ready and eager to raise my income level but want to do it in a way that feels congruent with my authentic self. I can’t easily see a way to significantly raise my income while still being true to myself. I would love to hear your thoughts and have you address this in a future blog post and possibly in the telecourse (maybe the Q&A). Many thanks to you and Ali!
Comment by Janet — March 17, 2010 @ 6:49 pm
Hey Kendall! Long time, no talk. You mention the importance of UP playing your personality and gifts and letting go of the inevitable envy and criticism. This is so important. And by refusing to hide your light, you are blessing the very women who complain. You are showing them that it is safe to show up big and bright.
Comment by Molly Gordon, Self-Employment Coach — March 18, 2010 @ 2:03 pm
Many of us grew up with the wrong ideas about money that have kept us on a financial roller coaster over the years. A lot of us pray for better finances but then we keep confessing poverty.
We need to be willing to receive that which we say we believe and pray for. No one can help you if you don’t receive it.
Comment by Rhonda, Christian Coaching Academy — March 18, 2010 @ 3:17 pm
Oh Kendall,
You have been pushing my money buttons all over the place. I justed listened to the SCC Money Goddess Q&A and then read this- both hit me and hard. Thank you for stepping out to educate women on how they are limiting themselves because of their relationship with money. I thank you and my clients thank you- I’ll be stepping forward into the light so I can help more people.
Blessings,
Juliet
Comment by Juliet Oberding — March 19, 2010 @ 6:22 pm
Hey Kendall
Isn’t it just so true - we as women tend to push money away - loved your tips - FABULOUS!!!
Joy & Blessings
Terri Cook
Comment by Terri Cook — April 3, 2010 @ 2:44 am